get a life? that's the funny thing: we have lives!

okay, so check this out. its just another day on our fantasy football league's message board. and yes, we're all very, very good friends....


Coach H:
Fuck you and your lame-ass amiability you midget EYEtalian fuck.

"i can't beLEEEEV Slate came through for you like that! fucking AWESOME, man.
this is gonna a GREAT end to the season, either way it turns out."

What a fucking homo!! That kind of talk is an absolute disgrace to the warrior mentality of our great league. I am thankful that the great warrior The Tank was not around to hear such girlish chatter on this great league's message board. Jesus, Mary and mother-nonfucking Joseph!!!
Fuck the match-ups. I cannot tolerate such a prepubescent faggoty ass clown in the playoffs. This is personal now baby girl.
THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS ME TO KICK YOUR ASS.


Coach A:
you take my olive branch, and break it? I take it back broken.

you scoff at my gesture of mutual respect for you and your efforts?

you have awakened the souls of my ancient forefathers -- whose blood and sweat helped to build the city of rome, and whose bones comprise that city's seven hills -- and they beg me to swear vendetta on you.

they implore me that you are not worthy of my gestures of respect and kindness, my desire for a battle joined honorably. they whisper to me that they want to bring you the harshest torment you have ever had. they will visit you in your dreams, little boy.

vendetta.


Coach H:
Fuck you and your pagan, Christ-hating ancestors. I shit on the seven hills and their graves.
The Baby Jesus has told me that the EYEtalian people and the evil institution of the Vatican are numero uno on his shit list.
He said the Pope is an evil false prophet who has led his holy teachings astray. Your people are misogynistic, self-absorbed, ignorant fools.
Q. Why is Italy shaped like a boot?
A. Do you think they could fit all that shit in a tennis shoe?


Coach A:
Pipe down. Especially about the tank. He'd never stoop to such barbarous insults. I spit on your snivelry ("I fear the hangover" was your own whimpering battle cry just this morning).

Vendetta.


Coach J:
Wow, coming from an Irishman who supposedly can drink.

he "fears the hangover?"

talk about a disgrace to his people!!! The irish would have your hyde if they heard that talk! That might be the first time in league history, a coach has uttered something like, "I'm scared" when it comes to playing another team. Sad, dude.

Just for that, i will continue to give you twisted, confusing advice, somedays sincere, some days kidding (you'll never know which), as the week moves on, about what to do with your lineup this week. I will flood you with sometimes true, sometime false "news updates" on your players. I will fuck with you to make you lose on purpose. Why?

"Because I can," he said with a grin. "Because it's fun. And because the poor, pitiful, insufferable fool can do absolutely nothing about it. That's why. BWohh-hahaha-hahah!!!"