"Eagles Front Office Sure Do Put The Fun In Dysfunction!"
so for a number of reasons I haven't been following the daily drama and heartbreak of the Philadelphia Eagles off-season, like I usually have. well about 4 hours ago I'm on an errand run and I hear a plethora of Eagles news items on 950AM, which is local sports some of the day, and nationally syndicated espn radio other part of the day (as far as I can tell). I don't listen to 610WIP during the 3pm-6pm time frame because a living abortion named Howard Eskin is on at that time, and not only is he an Andy Reid apologist/lapdog, and CLUELESS about actual sports, but he's a magnanimous fucking asshole. So here's what I hear, coming through & being reported off on as either news, rumors, fact or speculation, much of it centered around the free agency period that I believe started this week:
Correll Buckhalter (our #2 RB) is now a Denver Bronco. Brian Dawkins (our starting Safety for most of his 12 or 13 years here, and probable Hall-of-Famer) is a Denver Bronco. L.J. Smith (TE) is an Atlanta Falcon. Lito Sheppard (CB) is being trade to the Jets. Stacy Andrews (OT) is now an Eagle.
Lots of news/rumors for me to hear at one time, for the first time!
Well, here are my immediate thoughts on this stuff (and we'll see what actually happened or not in the days to come).
Brian Dawkins: The guy is a flat-out stud, he's been one of the leaders on this team forever, he's a straight-up guy that usually always tells it like it is, he's a HUGE fan favorite, he's WAY into being an Eagle, he's probably going to the Hall of Fame, he's a brutally-physical player, and he has always stated, he doesn't want to go anywhere else, and that he wants to retire as an Eagle. So, why is he going to Denver? The short answer is because we have a dysfunctional team of half-wits who run this team: Joe Banner, Jeff Lurie, and Andy Reid, to be specific. Our VP, Owner, and Head Coach/General Manager, respectively. Here's how the meeting might have gone down...
Dawkins: "So guys, can you give me 5 or 6 million for the next two years? I can play in relief, teach the new guys (Q. Demps, to name his replacement), continue to be the leaders, start if need be, continue my community work, what do you say?" (by the way, we're ALWAYS under the cap and this figure that I'm guessing is just a guess, but they SURELY have the money to this, even with everything else they could possibly get done this off-season).
Banner: "Nah. You know by now we don't play players for what they've done, and only pay for them for what they're gonna do."
Lurie: "How about the league minimum, 1.5 Million for two years?"
Reid: "Whaddaya say, Dawk, we'd love to keep you!?"
Dawkins is all too familiar with the way this front office of Lunatics operates. I'm sure it wasn't even a surprise to him. So he went elsewhere. Who can blame him? This front office has sucked in these types of dealings through the years. We'll miss you Brian. On the field and off. Good luck dude. You did the right thing.
Correll Buckhalter: I always liked the guy's abilities and I was glad Reid never got rid of him, even though he sure could have, during the 5-year stretch where he incurred season-ending injuries in THREE of those years. He wasn't a great RB, but he was always solid and consistent and good, whenever we actually decided to run the stinking ball. It sucks to see him go, if for nothing else, we don't actually have another running back to back up Brian Westbrook at this moment in time. Reid, did you hear that? We don't have a back up running back! HELLOoooooo! Well, he'll be a great addition to the Broncos and I hope he kicks ass out there.
LJ Smith: A dollop of GOOD NEWS! He shoud've been cut during training camp two years ago, when it was Brent Celek was better than him. LJ Smith has been a below average Tight End in this league his ENTIRE career here. MAYBE he had one year he was above average, stats-wise, but I'm not positive about that. One of Reid's MANY deficiencies is seeing talent where none exists (and conversely, not recognizing talent), and LJ Smith is a perfect example. Praise Jesus this dreadful chapter is over. And By the way, no one - I repeat, NO ONE - has been a bigger fan of Brent Celek than me, since he first put on an Eagles Jersey. We don't need to get a TE. We've HAD one for two years now. Brent Celek is ALREADY better than LJ is, already a top 10 TE in the league (okay, so he's 10th), and has a chance to be great. And spare me the, "but he's not that good of a blocker" horseshit. You can learn to block. And he's plenty big enough to be successful at it.
Lito Sheppard: he's a really good Cornerback, sometimes he's great. We'll miss him a little if he goes, but we do have two starters that are better than him. I heard we're trading him to the Jets. Sure hope we're getting something good for him, and not a couple draft picks Reid will have no clue what to do with.
Stacy Andrews: We'll now have bookend bros on the Offensive Line, as Stacy Andrews is the brother of Shawn Andrews, our lineman we've had here for a few years, and while he's yet to show the consistency needed at that position, he is a VERY good linemen, and will probably be great for years to come. And please, people, stop with, the take that his bro was brought in to babysit him, due to his depression problems, or 'heavy issues' he had last season that kept him out of games for several weeks: 1) nobody knows what he went through, for one. And if some of it was too heavy, then why not have your brother around for inspirations, support, etc? and 2) we NEED another offensive linemen, as some of ours are getting old! I don't know much about Stacy, but he's big, and I'm guessing he'll be taking Runyan's spot, who can't go for much longer.
...at least maybe we won't have to botch a couple draft picks, taking a lineman in the first round this year, perhaps. Not that Reid won't botch picks, but perhaps we can botch them on some other positions. Oh wait, we did that with our QB of the future pick a couple years ago, Tony Hunt, RB a year ago, and...aw don't even get me started.
So, in summary: Fuck Reid, Fuck Lurie, Fuck Banner. Now, more than ever.