frustration, anger, hatred, pure madness and high blood pressure...

...just another game of poker.

occasionally there are highs. but they're less than 10% of the time. most people and pros would agree with this ratio. although most pros don't get frustrated and as pissed off as I do, when they play a hand perfectly, their opponent does exactly what you want them to do, and then that opponent catches a miracle on the river and beats you. pros say that's one of the big differences between pros and amateurs in the poker world: pros let it go.

not me. i suffer. boy, do I suffer.

sometimes I don't know why I play this game. What else in life - in ALL of life - can you do everything right, make every "correct" decision, and STILL lose? It makes no fucking sense whatsoever! I know "getting lucky" is literally part of the game, but it still crushes me. it hurts me. FUCK!!! this game is absurd. absolutely absurd.

last week in my local poker league, I won the 23-player person tournament. Sweet. it had been a while, and it was awesome. A great night, I caught great cards, and I played great.

So tonight I sit down after a ton of chores to use my $26 token I won a while back to play a 45-person, full-tilt tournament, where the top 6 finishers, get paid, w/ first place getting $450, 2nd place about $330; 6th place gets about $50.

(if you've never signed up for online poker, DO NOT use full tilt. Use ANY other one instead. I am not a conspiracy-dude, but never have I taken bad beats ANYWHERE like I do on that site. I rue the day I signed up for that piece of shit site).

So, here I am, cruising for a very nice payout, playing great, getting some good cards, all was going great. I was the chip leader from the beginning and it stayed that way, as we went to 35 people, then to 25 people, then to 18. While not chip leader anymore, I was still in great shape. And then, THIS fucking happened:

Full Tilt Poker Game #13245807717: $24 + $2 Sit & Go (98157101), Table 4 - 100/200 - No Limit Hold'em - 22:46:04 ET - 2009/07/06

Seat 2: philliekid (7,840)
Seat 3: Rigged in Riga (4,475)
Seat 5: Konscious (1,975)
Seat 6: spacejace (5,610)
Seat 7: cleansweep34 (3,440)
Seat 8: bahdoo777 (5,655)
Seat 9: pushthemmayway (6,200)
pushthemmayway posts the small blind of 100
philliekid posts the big blind of 200
The button is in seat #8

*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to spacejace [Ad Kd]
Rigged in Riga raises to 500
Konscious has 15 seconds left to act
Konscious folds
spacejace calls 500
cleansweep34 folds
bahdoo777 folds
pushthemmayway folds
philliekid folds

*** FLOP *** [9d 9h Qd]
Rigged in Riga bets 700
spacejace calls 700

*** TURN *** [9d 9h Qd] [Jd]
Rigged in Riga checks
spacejace bets 4,410, and is all in
Rigged in Riga calls 3,275, and is all in
spacejace shows [Ad Kd]
Rigged in Riga shows [Ac Qh]
Uncalled bet of 1,135 returned to spacejace

*** RIVER *** [9d 9h Qd Jd] [Qc]
spacejace shows a flush, Ace high
Rigged in Riga shows a full house, Queens full of Nines
Rigged in Riga wins the pot (9,250) with a full house, Queens full of Nines

*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 9,250 | Rake 0
Board: [9d 9h Qd Jd Qc]
Seat 2: philliekid (big blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 3: Rigged in Riga showed [Ac Qh] and won (9,250) with a full house, Queens full of Nines
Seat 5: Konscious didn't bet (folded)
Seat 6: spacejace showed [Ad Kd] and lost with a flush, Ace high
Seat 7: cleansweep34 didn't bet (folded)
Seat 8: bahdoo777 (button) didn't bet (folded)
Seat 9: pushthemmayway (small blind) folded before the Flop


Riga makes the call after I go all in, post turn, which I want her to make. Why? Because at that exact point, I am a 92% FAVORITE to win the hand. There are 4 cards left in the entire deck - two 9's and two Queens - that will win Riga the hand (an 8% chance of hitting one). You 'kill' for those odds in poker and gambling. I am LOVING Riga's call there, against my nut-flush!

And then, destruction happens. I go from a "chip leader/knocking out an opponent/cruising to cash" mode and mindset, to short-stack, and crippled. Just like that. 92 times out of 100, in that same exact scenario, I win that hand. Simply, this was one of the 8 times I didn't. And like they say, "that's poker!" And it most definitely is. And it sucks, more than it rules. Someday, I'll quit this game for lunatics. I just hope I don't have a heart attack first.