Thursday, July 9, 2009

More funny from Lee's Steez blog!

funny post from last month on Lee Mazzola's blog, Lee's Steez. - sj

Sunday June 14th, 2009
Mets 6, Yankees 2

Got to spend most of the day with Lee Jr, which was awesome. Had a mild panic attack when the boy almost took a header off the jungle gym at Totlot 116.

The Mz got home around 3pm, and I left for the game soon after. Kinda weird, but I went to the Subway Series myself this year. I guess that's part of being a season ticket holder-- you reserve the right to say "Fuck it, I'm going myself today."

3:27 In the five minutes it took me to walk up to the bus stop I went from "eh, it's not so bad out" to "better put on my jacket" to "Jesus, it's pouring out!" This is the same continuum one follows when listening to any post-Lovesexy Prince album for the first time (from "hey, this is pretty good" to "jeez..." to "turn this fucking shit off!").

3:44 An unbearable stench of unknown origin was present at the 125th St subway stop. People were gagging, covering their noses, and frantically walking around in hopes of getting away from the stink. Either somebody died somewhere or someone was about to.

3:50 A gaggle of tragically underdressed girls got on at 145th, wearing navy blue short shorts and tank tops. They were literally freezing their asses off.

4:09 Took the express elevator up and immediately picked up a cup of Guinness right across from the stairs to my seats. It's a wonderful stadium.

4:10 OK, not the best pour I've ever had, but still hitting the spot.

4:12 Hey, Luis Castillo's leading off!

4:14 Even in the pouring rain, my seats are as dry as Don Henley's snare drum.

4:16 My section is pretty lame: cadavers and Met fans. Seriously, the average age for at least five rows is about 63. Not sure if it makes me feel younger or older.

4:25 TRIVIA #1: Name all the Muslim major leaguers in history.

4:26 This is looking like a long afternoon here. Maybe I should leave right now and catch the 5:00 showing of The Hangover.

4:38 Why hasn't there been a remake of Bachelor Party? Or maybe there has?

4:39 We've certainly lost the intimidation factor here at Yankee Stadium-- it's about as threatening as Epcot Center.

4:41 Two couples just got booted out of their wrong seats, which are right in the middle of the row. The wives had that classic "we sat here because our husbands told us to" look on their faces. The husbands had no look on their faces because they were staring straight down.

4:42 Now this is exactly how I thought Pettitte would pitch this year-- 50+ pitches and still in the 2nd inning.

4:49 God, I can't wait to upgrade my seats.

4:52 NOT EXACTLY TRIVIA: Rank the four major professional team sports in order of average player IQ, from lowest to highest.

4:55 Kinda drunk after just one imperial pint of Guinness. This doesn't bode well for next Friday night.

5:03 I wonder what the most ridiculous name is that they'd actually put up on the giant $100 Yankee Fan Marquee... Karl Dingleberry, perhaps? I gotta try that this year.

5:05 Our billion-dollar stadium allows us to see the lyrics to "I Wanna Rock" on a 5000 sq. foot screen.

5:09 TRIVIA #2: How many players have won World Series as both Yankees and Mets?

5:15 So much for the pristine rest rooms. There's a giant splat of snot and blood on the top of the urinal I'm peeing in (on? into?).

[I decided to go find KumoD and his friend. We watched the rest of the lousy game together and parted ways.]

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